I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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