if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
accomplished twins. life is a go
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
