girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i believe in u and ur pee
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize