hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I look better un-naked...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You had me at "let me see your balls"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
