You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
