just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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