I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
