Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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