Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
