omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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