I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
