Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
