I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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