we have officially lost it.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
