How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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