I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
