I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
