lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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