I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
