We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
