Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
