god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just blew my weed a kiss
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
