I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
