Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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