I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize