It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize