dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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