she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
be right there i have to get my cape
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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