My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
