Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
