Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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