I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I smell stomach acid.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
