what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
