margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize