Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
