You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
