sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
