Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
