Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
