the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
