Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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