You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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