I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
