Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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