I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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