If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
