this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
