Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
