Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
