shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
