She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
