my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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