The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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