He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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