I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
