After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
