the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
