I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
