He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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