I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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