She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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