this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
