dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
